I am recently singled... Again. I got dumped... This is (to be totally honest) the first time ever that I am not the one ending a relationship. I mean yes, the reasons previously have been that the guys were self-centered assholes who just wanted to cheat - and that's why I broke up with them.. But this time, it was me.. I mean the problem (I didn't cheat.)... And it is very very hard to accept that there was a problem with me. Of course the fact that every serious relationship I have had has ended in the guy cheating - might have something to do with me being the problem... but this is different.. He didn't cheat this time and we still broke up.
Anyways. I am sort of happy about it, because looking back at it now.. I was really unhappy with our relationship, I guess I am one of those people who try to make a bad thing work. If it doesn't just let it go man, not worth the heartache and pain. And now I will and try to move the fuck on!!
I'm worth much more than that.
Anyways so lets get to the big issue. Sex. Now that I'm single, I won't go jumping around from bed to bed... I'm not like that. But I don't want to jump into a relationship right away either, and I do like sex. So what do I do?
Well there is always 2 options in a situation like this:
- Fuck Buddy, always convenient. Good for when you really want the real thing without the commitment or sleeping around. Like a boy/girlfriend without the stress of being in a relationship. Bad thing about this is that to find a reliable fuck buddy is extremely hard for 2 reason: a. To find a friend you can trust enough that sex between you won't ruin your relationship b. To find a friend you won't fall for or they won't fall for you because you had sex.
I once had a fuck buddy, it was great until he started to have feelings for me and that lead to us putting a stop to the entire thing (I was not looking for a relationship) and after that we were really not able to stay friends... :(
- Self pleasure, with toys or without. Counting on yourself is the only way you can assure pleasure without the pressure of sex. I myself have this AWESOME toy by OhMiBod called the Freestyle :W . They even have an iPhone app for that!! I think it's amazing how far these companies go just so (single) ladies like myself don't need to count on other people to pleasure themselves. And OhMiBod is the only place so far where I have found toys that work with music (with my toy the best thing is that it's wireless). You can plug your favorite tune, and just let go.
I've heard about this other thing I would really like to try... A cuddle buddy.. I've never tried it, but I would really like to. Just inviting a boy every now and the just to cuddle and watch a movie or something, no kissing, no sex... Just somebody there to hold me and make me feel safe...
Anyways. There it was. I just wanted to write something personal, not food related and something that is happening in my life currently.
I am broken to be honest. This is shit, this is crap and I'm fucking hating this. But shit happens, you put the fakest smile on your face and pretend that everything is alright.